Pretending that I’m doing well ……

I actually cracked it this week…..

Like, full on melt down……

I have been walking that knife edge for a very long time, even got many warnings over the last few weeks with car accidents, car trouble and injuries but, I didn’t listen.

I realise now, that I have been pretending that everything is “honky dory” and I can handle anything when clearly, the universe (and the people who love me)
knows otherwise.

This year set us into another new community, one we love and can see ourselves in for a very long time, but, getting to this point has been rough! Even in this past year, with two moves in that time! BUT clearly, I am still hanging onto the hurt and disruption that the past 14 or so years have given us and I have swept it under the carpet, put on a smile and pretended to be OK.  Hell, I can’t be seen as not coping with everyday simple tasks!! How would that come across to people who are just getting to know me but don’t know my history? So, let’s just pile on more, plaster on that smile and be that cheerful girl that everyone sees as being able to cope with everything life throws at her with grace!!  Don’t get me wrong, I AM cheerful and happy and LOVE to help others and meet new people and have learnt many a thing from our ups and downs, but, I have spent the past 14 or so years being the Rock and lifting people up that I have forgotten about myself.

I have discovered, this week, that I am very good at telling people what I think they want to hear, even in a disagreement, I am so afraid of hurting people’s feelings with my own thoughts and feelings  so, like in Freddie Mercury’s Great Pretender…

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender

pretending that I’m doing well

my need as such, I pretend too much

Im lonely and no one can tell

Oh yes, I’m the great pretender

Adrift in a world of my own

I’ve played the game but to my real shame

I’ve been left to grieve on my own

So, off I tottle, with my new learnings of myself, to seek a bit of guidance from people who know how to heal ME.

I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship……..with myself

Now, I will leave you with Freddie

We all need nurturing, every single one of us and if we are nurturing everyone else and not giving to ourselves, we eventually crash

What have you done this week to nurture yourself?

Love Kirsty xxx

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3 thoughts on “Pretending that I’m doing well ……

  1. Debbie Alberti

    Hi Kirsty, don’t go beating yourself up we all lose ourselves at some time in life and you my friend have

    had a lot on your plate then to chuck in a couple of house shifts, holy crap that would be stressful. Love your blogs, you are one very talented lady who is allowed to have a melt down now and then and you are certainly not alone. Take care you are living in gods country down there, so I hope they treat you fine. My family live in Albany and used to live in Mt Barker.

    Best wishes

    Debbie Alberti

    ________________________________

    Reply
  2. Gail pick (mum)

    So proud of you my darling. Wise words, make sure you eat every one of them. Love you to the moon and back and way beyond. ❤️

    Reply

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